"good job" bad parent

I recently read a post at A Child Grows in Brooklyn (my absolute fave local parenting blog!) about the dangers of over using positive reinforcement that really hit home for me. As a teacher, I think I've always been quite thoughtful about this. But as a parent, I seem to have fallen into that "good job" bad habit. You know what I'm talking about, right?

A walks up the stairs on her own, "Good job!"
I observe A sharing chalk with another kid at the park, "Nice sharing."
At dinner, A eats all her veggies, "Good job!"

Haven't we all fallen into the habit of over praising at one time or another? I'm not saying that all praise is a bad thing. But when your 2 year old starts looking over at you and clapping when she's accomplished something, it's time to reign it in!

So what do we say when we see a child do something amazing? Here's what Alfie Kohn suggests in his article, "Five Reasons to Stop Saying 'Good Job'".

• Don't say anything.
• Say what you saw. "You read an entire chapter tonight." A neutral statement like this lets your child know that you saw what she did. It also allows her to take pride in what she did.
• Talk less and ask more. Questions are even better than descriptions because they push the child to think about what they're doing. "What was the hardest part of that book for you?"

Of course, there are times we will still want to praise our children. Kohn simply urges you to carefully consider your motive. Is it to help a child "feel a sense of control over her life -- or to constantly look to us for approval? Are they helping her to become more excited about what she’s doing in its own right – or turning it into something she just wants to get through in order to receive a pat on the head?"